to be read again next may 20

the past week had been, by far, the worst tornado i've ever been through.

everything squeesed into one short week.

future yang reading this, remember this week. because it made you stronger, reminded you of the value of life and the people that are part of it, it made you realise that a moment of slack can have huge consequences.

thank you for every memory. there's no one else like you..

i'm sorry for that one empty promise. i can never make it up now.. if only i had put in more effort. now all i can do is regret and hate myself for it. and also about that one wednesday night. its unforgivable and this regret will always cling onto my thoughts.

so many if onlys.

i hate it that i cant do anything about it now.

its been a week already... 7 days... nobody should have to go through this, but everybody will.

thank you shu, ed, py, min and dan.. for being there when i'm most shattered.

the earth will still spin, and life will have to go on..

i love you mama.

Dear Cosmos

i've been looking through my old entries... some on this blog, and some from the other older blog that saw me through most of my best years..

what i came out of that little reflection of my past was that.. i sort of miss it.

it was so exciting, so thrilling.. so many things to expect and anticipate.. so many unknowns waiting to be found out.. my heart went through trials and tribulations.. so many people came and left.. there was so much to think about.. most of them happy, and i was for most of the time, very very wonderfully tired. i loved it.

right now?

i'm just tired. for no odd reason or whatsoever. i need more in my life right now. i want more to look forward to.

i suppose my priorities have changed and my preferece for unpredictability is slowly turning into a yearn for some stability in my life.. at least for some aspects of it. of which little was granted. but then again, i miss the excitement! sometimes i feel that my life is not as colourful as it can be at this current moment. i'm totally NOT living life to the absolute MAX; something i believed in all these time. i'm not who i want to be right now.

there's so many things i dont like happening around me, things that i cannot control or change.. and the consequences of these happenings too, have gotten me worried scared. i need to feel that i can do something about this, and actually DO something about it. i need to know that i can change things, and that i'm not alone in this pursuit and that you'll be there to actively help me and not leave things idle and simply shrug it off as something i cannot do anyting about but just have to get used to.....

i need some solid assurance. i've seen lots of effort, and i appreciate it alot. it calms me temporarily.. but my jitters dont seem to disspipate.

in the mean time i'm trying to save myself from falling into the pits of depression. i've been tring to get something to occupy my free floating mind from wandering too far off from sanity. hopefully the cosmos will throw me a lifeline and a chocolate energy bar, cause i can't live like this any longer.

all you need is love

yeah. 'wth?' that was what i thought when shu and ed first mentioned it to me. it did take some time for me to decide that i'm actually going, though right from the start i sort of knew i'd attend it anyhow, just cause the peeps were going and i really wanted to see whats going on.

see, my dear friend ed, is not the typical girl you'd encounter everyday. she accepts, but is not... and sometimes she raves about it... and gets caught in it herself.. (well honestly, ed i dont know what you are. haha. doesnt matter anyway, even though you irritate me sometimes, i still love you very much.) she's pretty interested in going and supports the movement, plus shu was going, so i figured..""why not".

"i'll come and i'll hold my boyfriend's hand"

it took a bit more effort than usual to persuade dan to come along with me. he's usually very giving and agreeable with me. such a nice boy. initially he asked " arent you a homophobe?" and i was like.. "sort of.. but.." and he agreed to go with me. but then the day before he was quite unwilling, though not unwilling enough to disagree with me :)

i chose not to wear pink. i wore red. see, red is not pink, but its a relative.. so i'm giving a statement that says i'm not full on YEAH! but i'm sorta ok with it.. (dan claims he doesnt have a pink shirt- you liar! i know you do!) well if it makes a difference, i did tie my hair with a pink rubber band instead of the orange one i had on earlier.. haha

right. so came the event. well i did feel a little awkward. ok no, i felt really out of place, but after spotting shu's face in the crowd, BOY was i relieved... haha. new friends kelly and rachel! hello hello.. everyone was enjoying the happy atmosphere :) those male pussycat dolls can sure move! and the bangra (whatever was seen through the forest of people) was quite facinating...

as i held dan's hand, everyone formed the pink dot that represented acceptance, love, freedom to express themselves, understanding.... and everything that the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) society needs here in our little red dot. it was really quite something to see so many people in our rather rigid society showing up to help voice this cause :)

i've decided that... i still feel a tad uncomfortable with it, but as long as this form of love is not directed towards me at the end of the day, i suppose its ok for people to express their love, no matter the nature of the love given or who its given to... its LOVE after all, and everyone deserves to give and recieve this precious gift. as long as no harm is done in the process, i suppose it is alright.

thanks dan, for coming with me :) i love you.

I love kids

busy busy busy!

i do not have nothing to do next week

what i have planned for myself is to do nothing.

doing nothing is doing something, just phrased in a different way-

LAZING AROUND.

yes. THATS doing something.

person A: "hi yang, what are you doing?"
yang : "i'm lazing around."

so if anybody needs to disturb me next week, you can...

i'll just be very busy.

very busy lazing around.

ZOO with KOF

ZOO WITH KOF.

I ❤ KOF.

i ❤ asian small clawed otters.

i ❤ polar bears. (and the music at their exhibit :P)

i ❤ the swings at kidzworld- standing up is serious fun.

i ❤ KIDZWORLD!!!!!

i ❤ taylor swift's you belong with me under huimin's influence

i ❤ squirrel monkeys

i ❤ chicken rice from seah street.. if only i wasn't so bloated

i ❤ the jelly but not the drink

i ❤ pilow talk at 3am

i ❤ sleepovers

i ❤ KOF

friendly people

omgg....

i just came back from the interview.. they were freak friendly!!!

3 school principals, 1 educational psycologist, 1 scholarship applications guy

AHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

i sorta forgot all the questions they asked already. omg..

blank out now!!

shu says friendly=good? AHHHhh i hope so..

WHOO!!

it was supposed to be another boring day.. and the only part worth looking forward to was the evening...

then so many things happened!! lol

to sum it up: MOE, dan's SMU, innotrek, job offer which i declined, job opportunity with peiyi. bubble tea, spontaneous trip with kof!!

lol. and omg.. 5 more days, people!!!!!! haha i totally cant wait.

i gotta note all of them down man!!

things are looking up!

i simply love hanging out with kof. complete comfort zone man.

i love you guys.. :):):)

little pieces make up a whole

whoa... today was.. just lots of little things that make up today.

firstly, i had to deal with quite a bit Q stuff with shu.. brings me much goosebumps. yeah even now..

and that email and thing that made me feel quite uncomfortable.. i just ignored it.

then came the kids that dont seem to care about their lives. they have O levels at the end of this year and they are still behaving like that, its really saddening to see. and i feel as if i dont have the power to change this because i'm only there for such a short period of time. its not enough to make much of a difference see, and i feel abit useless there. i just got a little pissed off to the point i dont care anymore. yes. i dont care anymore.

ok.. haha, the chocolate truffle cake thing was just simply delectable. its a cake version of Royce chocolates, so you can totally imagine how rich and creamy it is. crazy i tell you. if the guy comes this friday again, i'm totally going to find a way to get it for dan!

then came more people that dont care about their lives, so i cant be bothered

followed by the indecision to talk to the kids from council

yeah and i came home and just felt so tired, i slept pass 7

then went for a walk to relax a little, and it was where i had to try to draw a clear line on where this stands.

dan called today!! haaha thats always the highlight of the day :)

well anyway, this sunday is off. i'm a little disappointed, but my priorities are crystal clear. your word over everything :)

thank goodness for this friday with kof :)

the old man

its the face that reminds you that time has passed
greying hair that had decreased
in numbers, sunspots and blemishes..
the load he carried upon his back is
showing below his eyes.

his face seemed to have shrunken aback...
leaving his eyes protruding,
a result of seeing too much of the world?

the anticipation to this point was nil,
if not stained with dispising reluctance to go.
but the well-tested bait of
dough was tempting. effective.

fortunate to have a companion, to take
the stress of attention off myself,
the unknown laid before us.

a gorge not visited for 3 years,
has finally presented itself.

tread slowly and be wary, for the risk
of losing the golden goose has a
consequence too high.

with hatred, confusion, unwillingness
and sadly pity..
i faced this stranger i call.......

resuscitating you, blog!

its been a while since words appeared here in longer paragraphs/sentences. lol.. yea i've been either busy or lazy :P

ok.. mostly lazy. and there isn't much that i want to tell the general everyone about anyway.

it'll just bore you to death. seriously. haha.

well i'm doing relief work on monday at stc! nicole will be with me for 2 days.. and we'll be on our own for a day each.

i cant say i'm totally, completely thrilled to be back in stc.. partially cause the stories i've heard about the......state... that its in now. haha. canteen food is one of the main reasons for the missing enthusiasm. and the other? council. but thats a story for another day..

i'm just glad i've got something to keep me busy for awhile. plus, i'll get to see shu for the 3 days there! haha its always a joy to have her around :)

OH on friday aka yesterday, when shu and i were having lunch, i got called for smu interview!! lol they say ive been shortlisted for the business school and there'll be an interview on sat

yeah so its all exciting.. and today was a little nerve wrecking. partially cause i havent written an essay or done a compre in like forever, and partially cause i felt kinda under dressed (hey they said 'smart casual' right?) lol

well we'll get to know if we're the 700 selected out ofthe 1500 some time mid may? i dunno.. its out of my hands now

i miss having camps. haha.. kinda miss the rush of every thing (sometimes how slow things go) and the people i worked with for the past few camps. its all good man.. i only know the next one under azad is next month. can't wait!!

i just dont like taking cold showers at midnight.. thats the only part of the camp i dont agree with!!!! hahaha

can't wait for this friday too... sleepover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha... missing you cute one!

its all down on paper, dont you worry. i wont forget like that :)

countdown: 11days!

an almost mirror image

you know.. i was just missing the boy, and so i looked through some of our pictures and i realised...

i just realised how similar we looked,

especially when we smile...

;_;

101th post

the 101th post here

cherating cherating cherating

i'll see you soon

doesnt matter that its not tomorrow

honey and lemons

i just want to be with you always


Ps. Happy 17th :)

things ive owed

PICTURES