bubble tea!!

had a nice long chat with a friend who is far far away last night till early morning :) HTHT session lol... these two are gonna last :) i have a good feeling about it! haha.. they're kinda one of my only hopes that things do last and love does exist. haha i sound like some 40 year old virgin now yeah? :\

haha its nice to have someone miss you like that, i guess. and i can only guess right now.. haha that kind of feeling to me is long lost in the distant past. i yearn for that feeling of yearning for someone.. to have someone special to care about and whom i can be completely comfortable with... no inhibitions. someone i can be totally crazy with and just be myself. i had that once upon a weary time, but thats no more... sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be able to let anyone else in again. the risk is too high, and i don't have the energy to spend so frivolously anymore. i want to be alone, but yet i need company.. i want to be loved unconditionally and i want to love back with the same intensity.

how do you tell this to someone who is pretty much the opposite of what you want and need?

i can't even bear to read your messages anymore. please stop being so nice.. because i still feel like running far far away, and you will, at the end of the day, feel like you've been led on and have wasted your time on a lost cause. think of me as something unattainable, that way, you'll be able to stop treating me this way.

i wish you will chance upon this post and read it for yourself.. i can't bring myself to say it to you directly or even indirectly... things were great before, but it will never be the same again. i won't be able to behave like i did before what was said. i don't know what to do..

i can't wait for december :D lol so exciting... i've been looking around at things that i'd like to do there. (just realised how long i'm actually going to be away LOL. about time eh?) maybe it'll be like another india trip.. the first few days or so, i'll dread being away, but eventually, i wouldn't want to come back. there's really nothing holding me here, if not for uni and my bond, i'll probably be nestled in the mountains of the himalayas, hand-pumping water for shower and to wash my clothes, and teaching little Lamas english in the afternoons.. and i say this with all honesty and with certainty.

i'm craving bubble tea. haha