inspired by a friend i've misjuged some time ago (goodness, we're actually so much alike!)... i've decided to start blogging again.. maybe its a good place to set down all my thoughts without having the fear that a particular somebody will be reading it.. and if they do, well, i have nothing to hide. its just an outlet i guess.. i'll look back at this and smile one day, hopefully, as a better, happier person :) my heart is open again.
september has not been the best of months.. reading my last 2 post today, about a year on... haha.. well the feelings then are exactly the same as this september.. its time to stop this vicious cycle. i shouldn't have to convince myself that it staying in that relationship was the best anymore.. i guess i've just had enough too.. and i agree. it was over a year ago. i was just too stubborn to let go. but who can blame me for being a fighter?
its been 4weeks already since we've spoken.. and honestly, i don't feel terrible anymore.. things are seriously looking up :) i'm finally able to do things that i really love, without having to consider about someone else's feelings. OMG I'M GOING TO SEE THE WORLD THIS DECEMBER!! :):) i feel my time for being reckless and free is running out, and its NOW OR NEVER!! :) lol... i'm gonna book tickets this saturday! copenhagen and london. india is not fixed, i'm still trying to get to tenzin at the monastery.. and our no-no leh tenzin yangdhu has kindly offered to help me talk to the head monk if they don't reply soon :) he's amazing... omg i miss ladakh!! especially the people there.. tundup, our acho leh, chosgyan.... i will be back there soon, for sure!
right now?
well, my brother is baking another cheesecake for me.. he's just learned the existance of electrical appliances that can make his baking life that much easier, lol.. i suppose brothers are gifts for us to treasure.. they're always there, and always have your wellbeing in mind :) even if its just a craving for cheesecake! he's fantastic, and if you ever read this, bro, i'd like to say that you're the best :) thank you.
on a side note.. i don't know what i'm feeling right now.. like.. i'm seriously looking forward to this friday, i really truely am :) i can't wait to share cake with you by the riverside.. you've been an unbelievable gift to me these past 3 weeks or so.. haha, sometimes i wish you were him, and he was you.... why can't he see me through your eyes? but you're different :).. its been such a long time (maybe even never) that i didn't have to plan for something to happen.. when i wanted to spend time with someone, i always wondered if he really wants to hang out with me, or he's just going with the flow with no emotions. its different with you.. omg i think you're too nice! i'm glad you are, but i wish you weren't... it just confuses things. should i be feeling happy just yet? i mean its only been a month. and here you are.. i just don't know what i feel about this. my heart is happy, but confused and afraid and my head just thinks too much! haha i'm still messed up inside in this department.. hahaha sigh..
maybe i just need some time to be alone, single, and unbounded. that way i can only break my own heart. haha... silly words... i just hope i don't end up wasting your time.. but i've told you.. i can't promise you anything. but if you're going to try no matter what, i'm not going to stop you. i want to be good friends :)
just one question though.. where's the line between that and something more?
