to be read again next may 20

the past week had been, by far, the worst tornado i've ever been through.

everything squeesed into one short week.

future yang reading this, remember this week. because it made you stronger, reminded you of the value of life and the people that are part of it, it made you realise that a moment of slack can have huge consequences.

thank you for every memory. there's no one else like you..

i'm sorry for that one empty promise. i can never make it up now.. if only i had put in more effort. now all i can do is regret and hate myself for it. and also about that one wednesday night. its unforgivable and this regret will always cling onto my thoughts.

so many if onlys.

i hate it that i cant do anything about it now.

its been a week already... 7 days... nobody should have to go through this, but everybody will.

thank you shu, ed, py, min and dan.. for being there when i'm most shattered.

the earth will still spin, and life will have to go on..

i love you mama.

Dear Cosmos

i've been looking through my old entries... some on this blog, and some from the other older blog that saw me through most of my best years..

what i came out of that little reflection of my past was that.. i sort of miss it.

it was so exciting, so thrilling.. so many things to expect and anticipate.. so many unknowns waiting to be found out.. my heart went through trials and tribulations.. so many people came and left.. there was so much to think about.. most of them happy, and i was for most of the time, very very wonderfully tired. i loved it.

right now?

i'm just tired. for no odd reason or whatsoever. i need more in my life right now. i want more to look forward to.

i suppose my priorities have changed and my preferece for unpredictability is slowly turning into a yearn for some stability in my life.. at least for some aspects of it. of which little was granted. but then again, i miss the excitement! sometimes i feel that my life is not as colourful as it can be at this current moment. i'm totally NOT living life to the absolute MAX; something i believed in all these time. i'm not who i want to be right now.

there's so many things i dont like happening around me, things that i cannot control or change.. and the consequences of these happenings too, have gotten me worried scared. i need to feel that i can do something about this, and actually DO something about it. i need to know that i can change things, and that i'm not alone in this pursuit and that you'll be there to actively help me and not leave things idle and simply shrug it off as something i cannot do anyting about but just have to get used to.....

i need some solid assurance. i've seen lots of effort, and i appreciate it alot. it calms me temporarily.. but my jitters dont seem to disspipate.

in the mean time i'm trying to save myself from falling into the pits of depression. i've been tring to get something to occupy my free floating mind from wandering too far off from sanity. hopefully the cosmos will throw me a lifeline and a chocolate energy bar, cause i can't live like this any longer.

all you need is love

yeah. 'wth?' that was what i thought when shu and ed first mentioned it to me. it did take some time for me to decide that i'm actually going, though right from the start i sort of knew i'd attend it anyhow, just cause the peeps were going and i really wanted to see whats going on.

see, my dear friend ed, is not the typical girl you'd encounter everyday. she accepts, but is not... and sometimes she raves about it... and gets caught in it herself.. (well honestly, ed i dont know what you are. haha. doesnt matter anyway, even though you irritate me sometimes, i still love you very much.) she's pretty interested in going and supports the movement, plus shu was going, so i figured..""why not".

"i'll come and i'll hold my boyfriend's hand"

it took a bit more effort than usual to persuade dan to come along with me. he's usually very giving and agreeable with me. such a nice boy. initially he asked " arent you a homophobe?" and i was like.. "sort of.. but.." and he agreed to go with me. but then the day before he was quite unwilling, though not unwilling enough to disagree with me :)

i chose not to wear pink. i wore red. see, red is not pink, but its a relative.. so i'm giving a statement that says i'm not full on YEAH! but i'm sorta ok with it.. (dan claims he doesnt have a pink shirt- you liar! i know you do!) well if it makes a difference, i did tie my hair with a pink rubber band instead of the orange one i had on earlier.. haha

right. so came the event. well i did feel a little awkward. ok no, i felt really out of place, but after spotting shu's face in the crowd, BOY was i relieved... haha. new friends kelly and rachel! hello hello.. everyone was enjoying the happy atmosphere :) those male pussycat dolls can sure move! and the bangra (whatever was seen through the forest of people) was quite facinating...

as i held dan's hand, everyone formed the pink dot that represented acceptance, love, freedom to express themselves, understanding.... and everything that the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) society needs here in our little red dot. it was really quite something to see so many people in our rather rigid society showing up to help voice this cause :)

i've decided that... i still feel a tad uncomfortable with it, but as long as this form of love is not directed towards me at the end of the day, i suppose its ok for people to express their love, no matter the nature of the love given or who its given to... its LOVE after all, and everyone deserves to give and recieve this precious gift. as long as no harm is done in the process, i suppose it is alright.

thanks dan, for coming with me :) i love you.

I love kids

busy busy busy!

i do not have nothing to do next week

what i have planned for myself is to do nothing.

doing nothing is doing something, just phrased in a different way-

LAZING AROUND.

yes. THATS doing something.

person A: "hi yang, what are you doing?"
yang : "i'm lazing around."

so if anybody needs to disturb me next week, you can...

i'll just be very busy.

very busy lazing around.

ZOO with KOF

ZOO WITH KOF.

I ❤ KOF.

i ❤ asian small clawed otters.

i ❤ polar bears. (and the music at their exhibit :P)

i ❤ the swings at kidzworld- standing up is serious fun.

i ❤ KIDZWORLD!!!!!

i ❤ taylor swift's you belong with me under huimin's influence

i ❤ squirrel monkeys

i ❤ chicken rice from seah street.. if only i wasn't so bloated

i ❤ the jelly but not the drink

i ❤ pilow talk at 3am

i ❤ sleepovers

i ❤ KOF